Meditative Realization
A few months ago during a meditatative analzysis of a major transformation I am making in my life, I came to a realization.
The transformative processes takes patience, perserverance and compassion.
At some point(s) in life we seek to change some circumstance, our health or change ourselves or an aspect or ourselves. And then there are the times we desire to do more then change but to entirely transform.
At first, tranformation can seem a daunting task because we face the work and that is required for transformation. And even more daunting is when realize we must face the feelings. As Marianne Williamson says: Change is messy. The inital step of transformation usually requires us to sit in our muck and feel our pain/emotion. Really feel it, mindfully. For me anyway, this is what meditation is all about- mindfullness. Noticing what it really feels like to be in this moment. "This moment" may be fear, anger, sadness, abondoment, guilt, shame, regret or whatever.
As I have practiced this method over the past five years I notice that in many cases it becomes easier for me to let go of the feeling. Even though it can come back later and is sometimes about the same issue over and over, the duration of the feeling shortens. I believe the duration shortens because I am paying attention to it and taking care if it. So the sensation does not demand much more from from me once I have paid it attention.
Transformation Takes Patience.
Cultivating patience with ourselves and others is the ultimate. The Tibetan Buddhists call patience, Kshanti, and acknowledge that kshanti is one of the most difficult practices of all, yet entirely essential. The Dalai Llama says, "Patience must be present in all unpleasant or painful circumsances, weather they are minor, average or serious events."
When we are suffering we want to it to end ASAP. We become impatient with the feeling. Those of us living in the modern world are so used to getting what we want now. Food is delivered in 30 minutes or less or your money back. We can reach anyone on ther cell phone, sidekick, or blackberry. We are adminstered a variety of pills to quell physical or emotional pain. Therefore it is not our practice to have patience even with ourselves. We sometimes think we must get over this or we are not strong enough, mature enough, spiritually advaced enough or whatever. As we loosen our expectation of perfection we soften and give ourselves permsission to be where we are.
Transformation Takes Perseverance
To me perserverance is generating the resolve or strength to maintain focus (known as "samadhi" to Buddhists). When I focus on what I need to heal my mind or body and give myself permision to be free of suffering, I open, soften and therefore eventually, find the way. And of course I must stay patient with myself when I lose focus and then readjust.
Transformation Takes Compassion
By this I mean compassion for myself. Since this transfortation is so whole and complete and messy and scary and perseverance/focus is not always so easy I am learnign to go easy on myself. I won't always get it the first time. And maybe not even the fifth time. And that is ok. As I said above instead of letting the old tapes in my head repeat what others in my past told me or what I have told myself which holds me back, I give myself persmission to be imperfect.
When I mess up again or think that old way again I gently remind myself what my meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg always reminds her students; Begin Again. Transformation takes patience. For Buddhists, compassion is also known as loving kindness or "metta". When we gift ourselves with loving kindness we take care of ourselves and our emotion. It is like cradling a baby. A baby is so tiny and helpless and innocent. We want to hold and protect the baby while gently swaying it in our arms and singing it sweet songs of love and happiness.
I posted this in hopes that it will inspire readers will find there own way in thier personal tranformations.
Metta,
Juliette Aiyana

